Escape to Paradise: Hotel B&B Fortuna, Costermano, Italy
Escape to Paradise: Hotel B&B Fortuna - A Review as Honest as Your Aunt Mildred's Commentary (and a Little Less Crazy, Hopefully)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we’re diving headfirst into the sun-drenched world of Escape to Paradise: Hotel B&B Fortuna in Costermano, Italy. Forget those sterile, PR-approved reviews – this is the real deal, warts and all (and hopefully, mostly warts-free at Fortuna). I'm gonna talk about EVERYTHING, from the "is it REALLY paradise?" question to those oh-so-important details like Wi-Fi and how likely you are to get a decent cappuccino.
First Impressions & Accessibility (or, "Can My Grandma Get to the Spa?")
Costermano. Beautiful, right? And this hotel? Well, the drive to it sets the scene. Winding roads, olive groves…you get the picture. Now, the good news for accessibility is…well, it claims to have facilities for disabled guests. Important note here: I don't have firsthand experience with a wheelchair user. If accessibility is critical for you, CALL the hotel, ask SPECIFIC questions about ramps, elevators, bathroom accommodations. Don't trust a website blindly. They DO have an elevator, which is a huge plus. And they advertise facilities for disabled guests, but go deeper than that marketing blurb to be sure. I'm not sure if the pool is a problem, ask for clear details.
The Wi-Fi Whisperer & Other Techy Bits (Because, Let’s Face It, We Need to Know)
Alright, people, let's talk connectivity. Because, let's be honest, we're all addicted. Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! – yes! And it WORKS. Praise be! Internet (LAN) is there if you REALLY need it, but honestly, the Wi-Fi was pretty darn good. They also have Wi-Fi in public areas, which is a lifesaver for those of us who like to lurk by the pool, Instagramming our Aperol Spritzes. Internet access is definitely covered.
Rooms, Rooms, Glorious (and Sometimes Quirky) Rooms
The rooms…ah, the rooms. I had one with an air conditioner (PRAISE!), a desk (useful for pretending to work, even while consuming copious amounts of Italian gelato), and a coffee/tea maker (essential for morning survival). They also had hair dryers, bathrobes,, and slippers…nice touches! My room, thankfully, was non-smoking. There were smoke detectors, soundproofing, and a private bathroom. The bed was comfortable, though I can't speak to the "extra long bed" availability – I'm on the shorter side. The daily housekeeping was impeccable. My room had complimentary tea, and the towels were fluffy. I also saw some interconnecting rooms available… great for families. The lack of pets allowed in the room is unhelpful to the pet owners.
The Fine Print on Things to Do & Relax (Because "Relax" Can Mean a LOT of Things)
Okay, this is where Fortuna starts to shine. Let's break it down:
- Spa & Wellness: This is a BIG selling point. They have a sauna, spa/sauna, a steamroom, and a fitness center. They also have massage and body wraps, and body scrubs. The Pool with view looks stunning and is heated, but I would check the current situation for swimming.
- For the Water Babies: There is a swimming pool and a nice outdoor pool.
- The Fitness Fanatic: They have a gym/fitness facility.
Food, Glorious Food (and Why I Might Need To Size Up)
Let’s be honest, this is where I lived.
- Breakfast: Breakfast [buffet]! This is the real deal. Asian breakfast, international cuisine and Western breakfast! So much deliciousness. Croissants, fresh fruit, some of the best scrambled eggs I've ever had…and, crucial, the coffee/tea in restaurant was genuinely very good. You can also get breakfast [in room] or breakfast takeaway service.
- Lunch & Dinner: They have restaurants with a la carte menu, Asian cuisine in restaurant, international cuisine in restaurant, and vegetarian restaurant. Expect soup in restaurant, salads in restaurant, desserts in restaurant.
- Snacks and Drinks: The poolside bar is a must-visit. They also have a bar, and happy hour. The bottle of water in the room was a welcome touch. I didn’t try room service [24-hour].
Cleanliness & Safety: Feeling Protected or Paranoid?
Fortuna clearly takes cleanliness seriously. They boast anti-viral cleaning products, daily disinfection in common areas, and professional-grade sanitizing services. My room seemed spotless. They have hand sanitizer readily available. They have hot water linen and laundry washing at high temperatures. There's even a doctor/nurse on call and a first aid kit. They also have CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, fire extinguishers, and smoke alarms. They provide room sanitization opt-out available, which is nice if you're feeling overly cautious.
Services & Conveniences: From Essentials to Extras
- The "I Need It Now" Stuff: They have a convenience store, a luggage storage, a dry cleaning, and laundry service, an ironing service, and a cash withdrawal facility, which is a lifesaver.
- Going Above and Beyond: Concierge service, currency exchange, a gift/souvenir shop.
- Parking and Transportation: Free car park [on-site], airport transfer, and taxi service. There's also bicycle parking.
For the Kids (Because Even Paradise Can Use a Babysitter)
They claim to be family/child friendly, and they offer a babysitting service and kids meal.
The Little Things That Matter (and Sometimes Annoy)
- Soundproof rooms: sigh of relief.
- A front desk [24-hours]: Excellent.
- A terrace: perfect for a sundowner…or three.
- Elevator: Thank god.
- Cashless payment service: Modern life.
- Air conditioning in public areas: Another win.
- Essential condiments: A strange but helpful touch?
Overall Verdict: Would I Escape to Paradise Again?
Yes. Absolutely. Escape to Paradise: Hotel B&B Fortuna isn't flawless, but it's charming. The staff is friendly, the setting is gorgeous, and the spa…well, let’s just say my shoulders have never felt so relaxed. The food is delicious, the rooms are well-equipped, and the Wi-Fi actually works.
But Here’s the Real Deal: If you're after a truly relaxing escape, a place where you can unwind, enjoy good food, and maybe, just maybe, forget about the real world for a little while, then book it. But do your homework on accessibility, be prepared to relax, and prepare to get lost in the beauty of Costermano.
My "Book Now!" Pitch:
Are you dreaming of an escape? Tired of the same old routine? Then pack your bags and head to Escape to Paradise: Hotel B&B Fortuna in Costermano, Italy!
Imagine yourself:
- Wandering through picturesque landscapes and olive groves.
- Sipping Aperol Spritzes poolside, with a breathtaking view.
- Indulging in exquisite Italian cuisine, prepared with passion.
- Unwinding in a luxurious spa, melting away all your stress.
- Waking up to the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and a delicious breakfast buffet.
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!
Book your stay at Hotel B&B Fortuna today! This is more than just a hotel; it's an experience. Don't miss out on the chance to create unforgettable memories. Click 'Book Now' and begin your escape!
Tangerang Luxury: Stunning 3BR Branz BSD City Apartment Awaits!
Right, okay, here we go. Hotel B&B Fortuna, Costermano, Italy. This trip… this trip was supposed to be romantic. My therapist kept banging on about “self-care.” Apparently, getting away from the screaming kids and the mountain of laundry was therapeutic. Right. Let's see how that worked out.
Day 1: Arrival, Arrivederci to Sanity (Almost)
- 10:00 AM: Flight from… well, let's just say a city much less charming than Costermano. Delayed, naturally. Sat next to a guy who snored like a distressed walrus. I swear, I saw his dentures vibrate. Already regretting leaving the house.
- 2:00 PM: Finally arrive at Verona airport. Luggage…missing. Of course. This is how my life rolls. Panic, followed by a frantic call to the B&B, leaving a garbled message (thanks, Italian phone system!). Apparently, "parlamento" is not what you say to the baggage handler. Who knew?
- 3:30 PM: Shuttled to Fortuna by, thank God, a lovely old woman with a tiny fiat that somehow miraculously held my carry-on. She kept chatting in rapid-fire Italian. I caught "bella" and "vino." Felt like I'd won the language lottery!
- 4:00 PM: Hotel Fortuna! Cute, stone walls, flowers everywhere. The owner, a woman with hair piled on her head like a wedding cake and eyes that could melt glaciers (in a good way), greeted me with a hug and a kiss on both cheeks. Already better than the airplane.
- 4:30 PM: Room. Small, but clean, with a view of the lake. Holy. Crap. Lake Garda. It was… breathtaking. Seriously. I actually choked up a tiny bit. Had to tell myself to stop. This was supposed to be FUN, not a postcard cliché.
- 5:00 PM: Explore the town. Costermano is charming, cobbled streets and all. Got lost at the first opportunity. Walked past a church, a gelato shop (mandatory), and about a million flower boxes overflowing with colour. Found a tiny piazza and sat down to, finally, breathe.
- 6:00 PM: Dinner at a trattoria recommended by Wedding-Cake-Hair. Ordered pasta. It was… the best pasta I've ever eaten. I'm pretty sure I ate two plates. Feeling the bliss, despite the missing suitcase.
- 7:30 PM: Realised I had nothing to wear. All I had were the clothes on my back, and they'd endured a flight from hell. Panic level: rising.
- 8:00 PM: Decided to embrace the chaos. Said a small prayer to St. Jude (patron saint of lost causes.)
Day 2: The Boat, the Wine, and the Impending Disaster (I'm Sure It's Coming)
- 9:00 AM: Breakfast at the B&B. Fresh bread, a mountain of cheese, and coffee that actually tasted like coffee! I'm starting to think this "self-care" thing might have some merit. Almost.
- 10:00 AM: Found a small, dusty shop, which made me feel like I was stepping back in time. Bought a dress. It's a bit… flowery. And a little too… romantic. But it’ll do.
- 11:00 AM: Lake Garda boat trip. This was the highlight. The sun was golden on the water, the wind whipped through my hair (and somehow made me feel alive again!). I was grinning like a maniac. Took a million photos.
- The Boat Trip: A Deep Dive Okay, let's talk about that boat trip. For about an hour, on the small boat, I'd forgotten everything. I'd forgotten the screaming kids, the washing machine that explodes, and the mountain of…well, you get the picture. I just stared. The water. The mountains. The little towns scattered along the shore, like little gems you hold in your hand. There was a couple on the boat, I think they were on their honeymoon. He kept gazing into her eyes with such passion. The little love-birds. Then I realized the woman was wearing a bright red sun hat and her husband kept staring at her because he got a sunburn on his forehead. It was so weird. I wanted to laugh and cry. And yes, yes, absolutely yes, it was an embarrassing moment, I looked just like those poor little birds. Then I just enjoyed the views…
- 1:00 PM: Lunch at a restaurant overlooking a tiny harbour. Ordered fritto misto. It was oily and delicious, and I ate the whole thing. No regrets.
- 2:30 PM: Wine tasting at a local vineyard. Sampled four different wines. My notes say "delicious," "smooth," and "more, please." The owner was a charismatic old man, who kept refilling my glass. I think I made a new best friend.
- 5:00 PM: Stumbled back to the B&B, feeling slightly wobbly and incredibly happy. Spent a few hours on the balcony, watching the sunset. It was ridiculously beautiful.
- 7:00 PM: Dinner at another trattoria. Tried to re-enact the dramatic pasta-eating from day one. Failed. I over-ordered and now I'm stuffed. And I think I left my journal there.
- 8:00 PM: Realized I hadn't checked my emails, the news, or anything like that. Yay!
- 9:00 PM: Found the journal!
Day 3: Culture, Catastrophes, and the Quest for Comfort Food
- 9:00 AM: Breakfast, again. This time, Wedding-Cake-Hair made me a special omelette. Clearly, she's trying to fatten me up. (Fine by me.)
- 10:00 AM: Visited a charming vineyard. This time, I brought a journal! I wrote a lot of things. I'm not at liberty to tell you.
- 2:00 PM: Finally, my luggage! It arrived at the front desk, looking decidedly worse for wear. The little things were missing and the zip was broken. It felt like an insult. I had several choices to confront.
- 3:00 PM: Shopping. Found a pair of extremely comfortable shoes and a scarf.
- 5:00 PM: Attempted to climb a very small hill. Got out of breath. Decided to sit and watch the world go by instead.
- 6:00 PM: Started to feel a massive craving for comfort food. Something… familiar. Found a pizza place. Ordered a pizza. Ate the entire thing.
- 7:30 PM: Wondered if I should call my kids to get out of all this delicious goodness. Realized I'm still on vacation, and a decision to do that would be selfish.
- 8:00 PM: Tried to watch a film on my tablet and fell asleep on the sofa.
- 9:00 PM: Woke up.
Day 4: Departure (and a Secret Plan to Return)
- 9:00 AM: Breakfast. Said goodbye to Wedding-Cake-Hair. Hugged her. Actually cried a little. This place… it got to me.
- 10:00 AM: One last stroll around Costermano. Bought a gelato. Walked along the lake. Felt a pang of sadness. This was too short.
- 11:00 AM: Taxi to Verona airport. Flight… on time! Now I feel that something is not right.
- 3:00 PM (approx.): The flight landed. Back to reality. And…you know what? I feel… better. Maybe not "cured," but definitely… softer. The kids still scream, the laundry still piles up, and the bills keep rolling in. But there’s also the memory of the sun, the wine, the lake, and that damn pizza. And a secret plan to go back to Hotel Fortuna. Soon. Before I completely lose my mind.
- 3:30 PM: I'm home. The front door's locked again. Sigh.

Ugh, so what *is* all this FAQ nonsense, anyway?
Okay, so, like, *technically*, FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions, duh) are supposed to be a helpful little resource. A way to, you know, answer the common queries. But honestly? I'm using it as therapy. A way to vent, rant, and generally unleash the glorious train wreck that is my brain. So, if you're looking for perfect answers, go somewhere else. If you're looking for a slightly unhinged but totally relatable perspective? You've come to the right place. Think of it like a really long, rambling email I send to my friends, except… public. 😬
Are you, like, *qualified* to answer anything?
Qualified? Honey, I'm pretty sure my resume lists "Professional Napper" and "Expert Coffee Drinker." Seriously, though… I'm just a person, okay? I've made mistakes, I've tripped over air, I've had moments of pure, unadulterated triumph (mostly involving chocolate). I’m winging it like everyone else! So, take my "expertise" with a grain of salt. Or a whole shaker, whatever floats your boat.
Okay, fine. Let's talk about [insert a vaguely defined topic, like 'Life']. What's the *deal* with it?
Life, huh? Ugh. Right now, the deal seems to be… laundry. There's an *awful* lot of laundry. And bills. Seriously, who invented bills? They're the bane of my existence. But, okay, aside from the mundane (and the frankly *annoying*) realities of adulting, Life. It's… complicated. Like, a delicious, multi-layered cake that sometimes tastes like burnt toast. One minute you're soaring, the next you're face-planting into a mud puddle. (And yes, I *have* face-planted into a mud puddle. It was during a particularly epic attempt to look cool on a bike. Epic fail.) You have to laugh! Otherwise, you'd just cry. And honestly, I've already cried enough this week over… well, it doesn't matter. Let's just say it’s a mess. And I’m right in the middle of it.
What's your *biggest* pet peeve? (Go on, I know you have one.)
Ooooh, where do I *begin*? Let's see... People who chew with their mouths open? Yep. People who don't use their blinkers? Double yep. Delayed flights? Existential rage. But if I *had* to pick one, it's probably… fake positivity. You know, the "Everything is AMAZING!" people, even when they're clearly crumbling inside? Ugh. Just… be real. It's okay to not be okay! I'd much rather hear someone say, "Ugh, this day is a dumpster fire," than "Oh, it's just *great*!" Honestly, that level of forced cheerfulness is almost as triggering as a poorly-placed apostrophe.
Tell me about a time you completely messed up. Like, a *really* bad one.
Okay, buckle up, because this one involves a cat, a party, and a *lot* of hummus. It was my friend Sarah's housewarming. I, in my infinite wisdom, decided to bring a "fancy" appetizer: a giant, gourmet hummus platter. I’m talking olives, roasted red peppers, the works. I was feeling good, okay? Confident. Maybe a *little* too confident. Fast forward to the party. The cat-- a very charming, but also very mischievous, fluffy monster named Mittens-- started getting into everything. I'm chatting, laughing, when I see Mittens *leap* onto the hummus platter! Pure, unadulterated chaos. Hummus everywhere! On the cat, all over the table...and on the *expensive* cream carpet. Sarah, bless her heart, just stared at me, wide-eyed, as I stood there, mortified, covered in hummus and cat hair. I tried to clean it up, of course. Made it… worse. The memory still makes me cringe. To this day, I avoid hummus platters. And cats. (Kidding! Mostly.) The moral of the story? Always leave the fancy appetizers to someone else, and maybe consider a less fluffy pet.
What are you *really* passionate about?
Okay, this is where I get all… mushy. I'm passionate about kindness. Seriously, the world needs more of it. Little acts of kindness, big acts of kindness, even just… being decent to each other. I get genuinely choked up when I see someone helping an elderly person cross the street, or when someone leaves an encouraging note for a stranger. It's so easy to be cynical, to be angry. But kindness? That's magic. Also, I'm *very* passionate about pizza. And books. And naps. And… okay, I can be passionate about a lot of things. But kindness is at the top of the list.
Okay, one last question: What's the single most important piece of advice you can offer?
This is it. The big one. The life-altering advice. Ready? Here it comes… Don't take yourself too seriously. Seriously. The world is bonkers. Life is messy. You're going to mess up. You're going to laugh until you cry. You're going to cry until you laugh. Embrace the chaos! Make mistakes. Learn from them (or, you know, don’t). Eat the cake. Hug the cat. (Just maybe not *after* the hummus incident.) And, most importantly: Be kind to yourself. You're doing your best. And that, my friends, is enough. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I need a nap. And maybe some pizza.

