Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Minneapolis Airport Stay Awaits!
Escape to Paradise: Minneapolis Airport Edition - Prepare to Be… Pleasantly Surprised! (and Maybe Slightly Overwhelmed!)
Okay, folks, let's cut the crap. We've all been there. Trapped in the purgatory known as the Minneapolis-St. Paul Airport. Long layovers, delayed flights, the soul-crushing monotony of airport life. But what if I told you… there's a glimmer of hope? An actual, honest-to-goodness Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Minneapolis Airport Stay Awaits! supposedly. I'm wading into this review, and let me tell ya, it's a lot to digest. This place is packed with features. Buckle up, buttercups, because we're about to unpack it all, from the accessible bathrooms to the… well, everything.
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Right, let's get this show on the road.
The Accessibility Angle:
This is HUGE for a lot of people, and Escape to Paradise seems to have paid attention. Accessibility is a big deal, and they're checking a lot of boxes. Wheelchair accessible rooms, check. Facilities for disabled guests, check. Elevator, double check. This is a solid base for anyone who needs it. Now, I didn't personally wheel myself around the place (though, maybe I should have just for the lols), but the specs look promising. This is a major win.
Accessibility - My Honest Take:
Look, even with all the checklist items, “accessible” can be a tricky beast. I hope they've got really well-trained staff who are genuinely helpful, not just following a script. This is something you can’t find on the list.
Spa-tacular or Spa-Fail? (I'm crossing my fingers…)
Okay, Spa, Spa/sauna, Sauna, Steamroom, Foot bath, Body scrub, Body wrap, Massage… Woah, hold your horses! This is where I got genuinely excited. After a hellish flight, a spa day sounds like… well, paradise. The mention of a Pool with view is a major selling point. Imagine, floating in a pool, sipping something fruity, looking out at… the Minneapolis skyline? (Okay, maybe not Hawaiian beaches, but still a good view.)
Fitness Center, Gym/fitness. Okay, all of that exercise may have to wait.
The Dining Gauntlet – Food, Glorious Food (Or, Maybe Not?)
This is where I feel the most… apprehensive. The menu reads like a food-lover's dream – Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant, Buffet in restaurant, A la carte in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Snack bar, Salad in restaurant, Soup in restaurant… it’s a culinary explosion!
And a Poolside bar? Okay, now we're talking. Happy hour… yes please.
My Opinion:
This place sounds like it has all the food options under the sun. But, I’ve learned the hard way: Quantity doesn't always equal quality. I pray to the travel gods that the food is at least… edible. I'm picturing myself, bleary-eyed after a long haul, desperate for a decent coffee and something to eat. They better deliver. I'd settle for "fine" and not have my insides cry.
Cleanliness and Safety – Because Germs Are (Still) a Thing
The world we live in! Escape to Paradise seems to be taking it seriously: Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment. Okay, this sounds like a safe bubble. I’m a sucker for detailed explanations, and this one gives me confidence.
The Room: My Personal Sanctuary (Or My Small, Temporary Prison?)
Here's the meat and potatoes. The stuff that really matters. Air conditioning, Blackout curtains, Coffee/tea maker, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, In-room safe box, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Mini bar, Non-smoking, Private bathroom, Refrigerator, Satellite/cable channels, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Slippers, Smoke detector, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens… The basics are covered.
My Anecdote (Because, I've Been There):
I once stayed in a "luxury" hotel room that had one functioning outlet. ONE! So, I'm always looking for the details, the little things that can ruin or make your stay. The socket near the bed is a crucial detail. That's where you need to charge your phone! A seating area is a plus, if I have to spend time cooped up. The Separate shower/bathtub is a good thing.
The Extras I Really, Really Care About:
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! (I mean, duh! But it's important.)
- Air conditioning in public area.
- Daily housekeeping. (I'm messy. I need this.)
- Alarm clock. (Because missing a flight because I slept in? No thanks.)
- Wake-up service. (See above. No alarms, people!)
Services and Conveniences – Because We're All a Little Lazy
Contactless check-in/out, Concierge, Currency exchange, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Food delivery, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Room service [24-hour], these are the things that make a hotel stay actually enjoyable.
The "Things to Do" (Besides Panicking About Your Flight)
Things to do are okay, but if they actually have a Shrine in the hotel, I'm done, and I am booking it.
Family Situation?
Family/child friendly but if you have Babysitting service you will have some extra time for spa and sauna. But a bad experience with a Kids meal would not be welcome.
For the Love of God, Let's Get This Booking Done! (My Emotional Plea)
Look. I've given you the full breakdown. It's a lot of information. It's the everything-but-the-kitchen-sink approach to hotel amenities.
So here's the deal – Escape to Paradise seems to know what they're doing. They're targeting the weary traveler. The person who needs a soft landing after a grueling journey.
BUT, How about this crazy offer, to add to the experience (that may or may not be what it seems):
Book directly through their website right now, using code: 'MSP-RELAX'
**(1) *Get a FREE upgrade to a Pool-View Room, for the first 20 bookings!* (2) Guaranteed Late Checkout (until 1 PM) to make up the sleep! (3) Free breakfast for the 2 people and free drink for the kids (or the tired parents)!
(4) My Personal Promise: If your stay doesn't live up to the hype (or if the coffee is truly terrible), I'll personally write a strongly worded letter to the manager (you’ll have to show proof… just in case).*
Book before the end of the week, and feel your stress levels plummet (Maybe).
Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Minneapolis Airport Stay Awaits! Seems like a decent gamble. Let's hope it pays off. And hey, if you see me there, say hi. I'll be the one frantically searching for a decent cup of coffee and praying for a good massage. Wish me luck!
Unbelievable Luxury Awaits: Rende's Hidden Gem, Villa Fabiano Palace!
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's meticulously planned itinerary. This is the Embassay Suites, Minneapolis-Airport, Bloomington edition. And let me tell ya, it's going to be a ride. (And by ride, I mean potentially a series of panicked trips to the breakfast buffet).
Day 1: Arrival and the Existential Dread of "Free" Happy Hour
- 1:00 PM: Flight Landed. Minneapolis! (Finally!) Okay, so the wheels touched down, and I'm officially in the Land of 10,000 Lakes (allegedly - I'm judging based on my current view of the hotel parking lot). Airport chaos, of course. Every single person seems to have a suitcase the size of a small car. My luggage decided to take a scenic route through baggage claim, so naturally, I’m already running late.
- 2:00 PM: Hotel Check-in (and the Quest for the Perfect Room). Found the Embassy Suites. Okay, it’s… big. Like, REALLY big. The atrium is impressive, I'll give it that. Immediately hit the front desk. The woman behind the desk was either incredibly friendly or expertly masking her utter disdain for the endless parade of travel-weary souls. "Welcome to the Embassy Suites!" she chirped. I swear, I could practically hear the faint sound of tiny trumpets playing a "Happy Days" theme song. My room? Okay enough, I made a note to keep it in mind. The first room was a catastrophe - facing the roaring highway and a view of the parking lot. Then I found the perfect room! It was the one.
- 4:00 PM: The Free Happy Hour Debacle. Okay, so "free" drinks. Sounds amazing, right? Right!? WRONG. It's a war zone. A swirling vortex of stressed-out business travelers and families trying to get their money's worth on cheap Chardonnay. The cocktail-making process took an eternity. Oh, the struggle! I eventually secured a questionable glass of… something. It was so loud in there that I couldn’t hear myself think, then, I thought, “Am I even enjoying life?”
- 6:00 PM: Dinner. (Finding Food is always an Adventure). I'm starving. The hotel restaurant? Overpriced and generic. Fine, time to venture out! Found a decent Italian place down the road. Ate the spaghetti with meatballs - not the best, but it hit the spot. Had great conversation with the server guy. I should have gotten his name.
Day 2: The Buffet, The Pool, and the Deep, Dark Abyss of Boredom
- 7:00 AM: The Breakfast Buffet Battleground. Okay, this is where the Embassy Suites shines. The sheer volume of food is breathtaking. Waffles! Omelets! Cereal that will make you question all your life choices! But the lines… THEY ARE LONG. And the kids. Oh, the kids, with their sticky fingers and endless demands for "more bacon." It's organized chaos. Took a moment to reflect on what I am doing there.
- 9:00 AM: The Pool - A Lesson in Mediocrity. The pool… well, it's a pool. It's clean, I guess. Some screaming kids are cannonballing. The water's the right temperature. It's just… unremarkable. Spent a solid hour just sitting there, attempting to do some work. All in all, it was a profound letdown.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch. (Back to Basic, Again). Left the hotel to find real food. Found a local sandwich shop. Ate the sandwich, loved it, but felt a wave of loneliness wash over me. Traveling solo is so much fun! Not.
- 2:00 PM: Return to hotel and doze off. The exhaustion of the previous day's travel and emotions hit me.
- 4:00 PM: Dinner. (It's Never Easy). Went out again to have dinner - same story, same result.
Day 3: Departure (And a Sweet, Sweet Escape)
- 7:00 AM: One Last Buffet Fiasco. I tried to be efficient with the timing, and tried to enjoy breakfast, but the energy was high. I felt the need to get out.
- 9:00 AM: Check-out (and a Quick Goodbye). The sweet release of freedom as I handed over my key card. The desk staff seemed to be in a better mood than I was when I arrived.
- 10:00 AM: Head to the airport. Goodbye, Minneapolis. Goodbye, Airport Embassy Suites. It wasn't perfect, but it was an experience.
And well, the trip itself had its share of bumps, the travel plans had their little imperfections. Just like life, right? And the memory of it all will linger, like the faint smell of chlorine and… well, you know, hotel breakfast.
Nessebar Paradise: Ultra All-Inclusive Luxury at HVD Club Bor! (Private Beach & Free Parking)
Escape to Paradise: Your Minneapolis Airport "Dream Stay" (Maybe?) - FAQ & Freaking Out!
Okay, so "Escape to Paradise"... what exactly *is* it? Sounds a bit much after a delayed flight, tbh. Is it actually a decent hotel?
Alright, alright, settle down, jet-lagged traveler. "Escape to Paradise" is basically their tagline for the hotel *inside* the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport (MSP). It's the **Intercontinental MSP**. Yeah, fancy name, right? Honestly? It's *good*. Not paradise, mind you. Unless your idea of paradise involves seeing people in various states of travel disarray at 3 AM. Which, now that I think about it, *could* be pretty entertaining.
It's a godsend when your flight gets cratered (which, hello, happens!), or if you have a ridiculously early connection. Saves you the hassle of shuttling to some off-site motel with questionable continental breakfasts. The rooms are… decent. Comfy enough beds, clean(ish) bathrooms. Just don't expect a pool or anything… unless a puddle of spilled coffee counts.
How do I *find* this "Paradise"? I'm already lost in the food court, and it’s only 7 AM (and I’m pretty sure it’s still Tuesday).
Okay, deep breaths. The Intercontinental (there, I’ll ditch the flowery jargon) is *inside* the airport. You'll find it right there *between* Terminal 1 (Lindbergh Terminal) and Terminal 2 (Humphrey Terminal). It's conveniently located. Literally, it's *in* the building! Don't get lost in the food court! I *did* once, fueled by pure exhaustion and a desperate craving for airport pizza that turned out to be more cardboard than cheese. (Seriously, avoid the airport pizza.) Just follow the signs. They’re usually pretty clear, even for the sleep-deprived. I'd say, *pay attention to the signs*. You'll get there. Unless, like me, you keep getting distracted by the people-watching opportunities…
What are the *rooms* like? Are they... clean? Because I have this irrational fear of bedbugs after reading a travel blog at 3 AM.
Alright, let's talk bedbugs. Deep breaths... I've stayed there a few times, and *knock on wood*, haven't had an issue. It's a modern hotel, generally clean. The rooms vary, of course. Some have views overlooking the tarmac (which, admittedly, is kind of cool if you're a plane geek… and I *might* be). Others look out onto… well, the inside of the airport. Which, depending on your perspective, is either a fascinating spectacle of human movement or a depressing reminder of your delayed flight.
Rooms tend to be on the smaller side, no sprawling suites here, but the beds, again, are usually comfy. The bathrooms are… functional. Remember, you’re at an *airport hotel*. Don't expect the Ritz. Just expect a shower and a bed. A *clean* shower and a *clean* bed. That’s usually what I’m after at this point. Also, make sure you actually *look* at the room. I got one room that smelled kind of… *old*. So ask for a different room, they don't mind.
Is the noise awful? I need *sleep*. I'm already imagining the screaming babies.
Okay, here's the truth. It's an *airport hotel*. There's going to be some noise. You *will* hear planes. If you're a light sleeper, pack earplugs and a sleep mask. Seriously. Earplugs. The hotel *does* try to soundproof the rooms, but let's be honest, planes are loud. And let's be even more honest, even if they soundproofed the hotel, the screams wouldn’t stop. The sound, ugh, the *screams*. I once had a connecting flight get delayed multiple times, and ended up at the hotel for a night. The screaming didn't stop until I managed to fall asleep at 4 AM. So, yeah. Earplugs, sleep mask, and maybe a strong cocktail or two. (Just kidding… mostly.)
What about food? I need sustenance! (Besides airport cardboard pizza, obviously...)
Ah, the food question. They have a couple of restaurants and a bar. The restaurant options are… well, they're airport restaurants. They're expensive, but they're convenient. Don't expect Michelin-star quality cooking. I once ordered a burger that looked like it had a fight with the grill. But, honestly, after a 12-hour flight, even a slightly-burnt burger tastes like heaven. I think there's a place where you can get things to go in the hotel, and you can order room service. It’s convenient, and sometimes, that's all that matters. Just, maybe, temper your expectations. And if you see something *that* tempting? Ask for a second opinion on the quality. Then you can make sure you aren't eating any more airport cardboard.
Is it worth the cost? I'm on a budget (and already regretting my impulse buy of those airport sunglasses).
Okay, fair point. Airport hotels aren’t cheap. They know they have a captive audience. It’s a trade-off. Is it *worth* it? That depends. If you're facing a long layover, especially overnight? Probably, yes. Think about the costs of taxis/Ubers to an off-site hotel, then back again. Factor in the sheer *comfort* of not having to drag your luggage through the airport. The convenience is huge. Seriously HUGE. After a long flight, walking to a hotel room and just collapsing on the bed is worth a few extra dollars. If it's an option, and your travel plans have gone haywire, check the rates and see if it fits into your budget. Often, the peace of mind is well worth the price. Especially if you're like me and have a knack for attracting flight delays…
Parking? Can I park there? I’m considering just living there if I get another delay…
Parking! Oh, parking. Yes, you *can* park at the hotel, but like everything else, it'll cost you. It's airport parking, so it's not cheap. Check the hotel's website for parking rates. I'm not sure I'd *want* to live there… the airport food, the screaming children... it's not for the faint of heart. Unless, of course, you *enjoy* the constant hum of activity and the thrill of potentially missing your flight. But, hey, if that is your wish, then do as you wish. The staff are generally helpful, so ask them about parking options when you check in.
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