Tenerife Temptation: Adults-Only Escape in Coral California
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into Tenerife Temptation: Adults-Only Escape in Coral California. This isn't just a hotel review; it's my therapy session, my love letter, and my slightly unhinged take on a place that promised… well, temptation. Let's see if it delivered.
(Note: I haven't actually stayed at this specific hotel, but I'll create a thorough review based on the provided information, pretending I did!)
First Impressions: The Curb Appeal and the Promise (and the Potential for Drama)
Imagine this: You’ve just endured a flight from… well, wherever you're escaping from. You're hot, bothered, and dreaming of a poolside cocktail. As you pull up, you're expecting sleek, right? Modern? Maybe a hint of that "Mediterranean villa" vibe.
- Accessibility: Okay, let's be real, this is important for anyone who's going to actually enjoy a vacation. The fact that they list "Facilities for disabled guests" is a good start. But, and it's a big but, how accessible? Are the ramps actually rampable? Real-world accessibility is key. I'd be grilling the concierge on that detail before I even thought about my first piña colada.
- Wheelchair accessible: If it's REALLY wheelchair accessible, it's an instant win. I love a place that actually thinks about accessibility. This can be hard for people that have mobility challenges.
- Elevator: Essential for anyone not wanting to climb stairs all day. Thank goodness for that.
- Safety/Security Features: A 24-hour front desk, security, and CCTV everywhere? Good! Fire extinguishers and smoke alarms? Essential. Gives a sense of security, but nothing is perfect, things break too.
The Room: My Sanctuary… or Slightly Overpriced Prison?
Alright, let's move into the actual ROOM. This is where the real magic (or the potential for disaster) happens.
- Room Features - Yay or Nay?:
- Air conditioning: Thank god. Essential for a hot place.
- Air conditioning in public area: ALSO, essential for a hot place.
- Alarm clock: Annoying, but necessary. I'll probably smash it the first morning…
- Bathrobes and Slippers: Luxury! Love it.
- Bathtub: A MUST. Especially if it's a gorgeous, deep soaking tub.
- Blackout curtains: YES! Sleep is GOLD on vacation.
- Closet: For hiding my (hopefully unnecessary) luggage.
- Coffee/tea maker: Good for a morning caffeine fix
- Complimentary tea: Great.
- Daily housekeeping: Important for cleanliness and safety.
- Desk: I don't plan on working, but hey, good to have the option.
- Extra long bed: Crucial. I need room to starfish.
- Free bottled water: Hydration is key.
- Hair dryer: Saves packing space.
- High floor: Preferable.
- In-room safe box: To keep my passport and cash safe.
- Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless: Multiple connectivity options! Good!
- Ironing facilities: If they're good, a bonus, I'm probably not using them.
- Laptop workspace: Should be good.
- Linens: Clean, crisp linens are a MUST.
- Mini bar: Yes, to the mini bar!
- Non-smoking: Important for me.
- On-demand movies: Perfect for lazy evenings.
- Private bathroom, Separate shower/bathtub: Again, luxury!
- Reading light: Important.
- Refrigerator: To keep my drinks cold.
- Satellite/cable channels: Good
- Scale: No thanks.
- Seating area: A nice place to relax.
- Shower: Must be good.
- Slippers: Always a plus.
- Smoke detector: More safety features, great.
- Sofa: Yes.
- Soundproofing: Crucial for a good night's sleep.
- Telephone: Will I use this? Probably not.
- Toiletries: Always a plus, especially if they smell nice.
- Towels: Soft, fluffy towels? Yes, please!
- Umbrella: Always a good idea when the weather is unpredictable.
- Visual alarm: Safety first.
- Wake-up service: If I can't smash the alarm clock.
- Wi-Fi [free]: Essential.
- Window that opens: Fresh air!
Let's be real: a good hotel room can make or break a trip. The room NEEDS to be a refuge. If it feels cramped, dingy, or… well, like a slightly nicer Travelodge, the whole vibe is ruined.
Food, Glorious Food (and the Potential for Epic Fails)
This is where things could get really interesting.
- Dining, Drinking, and Snacking:
- A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement, Asian breakfast/cuisine, Bar, Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop, Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, International cuisine, Poolside bar, Restaurants, Room service [24-hour], Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast/cuisine: This is a lot of options. This is essential to me, for a good hotel.
- Cashless payment service: Okay, good for convenience.
- Breakfast in room, Breakfast takeaway service: Perfect for a lazy trip.
- Bottle of water: Always necessary.
- Essential condiments: Great.
- Individually-wrapped food options: A must for safety.
- Safe dining setup: Also really great.
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Important
I'm a sucker for a good buffet. But let's be honest – a truly amazing hotel food experience can elevate a trip from "good" to "unforgettable."
Leisure Time: Relaxation, or Utter Boredom?
This is where the "temptation" part really comes into play.
- Ways to relax:
- Body scrub, Body wrap: Sounds heavenly.
- Pool with view: Crucial.
- Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom: Yes, yes, and YES. A sauna is a must.
- Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: Essential.
- Fitness center, Gym/fitness: Okay, so I might visit the gym once. Maybe.
- Massage: A must for my relaxation.
- Foot bath: Sounds weird but I'm in.
The perfect hotel has a spa that makes you forget about all your troubles. The sauna has to be HOT. The pool? Crystal clear, preferably with a swim-up bar.
Cleanliness, Safety, and the Not-So-Fun Stuff
This is the boring stuff, but it’s vital.
- Cleanliness and safety:
- Anti-viral cleaning products, Cashless payment service, Daily disinfection in common areas, Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit, Hand sanitizer, Hot water linen and laundry washing, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Shared stationery removed, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment: This is GOOD. It shows they're trying!
- CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour], Non-smoking rooms, Smoke alarms, Soundproof rooms, Security [24-hour]: Great stuff.
- Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private]: Preferable
- Emergency services: That's all good.
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things That Matter
Let's be real, the little things make a big difference.
- Services and conveniences:
- Air conditioning in public area, Airport transfer: Easy commute
- Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities: Good for a business trip.
- Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery: Great features.
- Gift/souvenir shop: A convenient location.
- Invoice provided: A must-have. *
Okay, buckle up, buttercups. You're wading into the swirling chaos of my dream trip planning for Coral California - Adults Only in Tenerife. Prepare for a rollercoaster, because frankly, that's how I'm feeling already just THINKING about it. This isn't your pristine, Insta-perfect itinerary. This is real.
Coral California - Tenerife: A Total Mess (But Hopefully Awesome) Itinerary (For Two Slightly Unhinged Adults)
Pre-Trip Brain Dump (aka Panicking)
Okay, so, Tenerife. I've SEEN the pictures. Sun-drenched beaches, volcanic landscapes, that weird, almost-alien look the island has. And Coral California? Adults-only. Yes, please. My sanity is currently at… negative five. This trip is being framed in my brain as a recovery retreat from life.
Days 1-2: Arrival & The Battle of Finding the Beach (and My Sanity)
Day 1: The Great Escape & Immediate Regret (Just Kidding… Mostly)
- Morning: Ugh, the flight. Let's just say budget airlines and my bladder do not get along. Arrive in Tenerife South Airport (TFS). Transfer to Coral California. Hopefully, the transfer gods are kind because I've got those travel-sized wipes and a LOT of pent-up anxiety. We could be in trouble.
- Afternoon: Check-in. Pray for a balcony. Pray harder for a decent view. (Anything beats the inside of my anxiety-ridden brain.) Explore the hotel. Grab a (desperately needed) cocktail. Maybe two. Honestly, probably two.
- Evening: Dinner at the hotel restaurant. First impression check. Pray the food is edible! (I have been burned.) Early night, because jet lag is a bitch and I haven't slept properly in… well, years.
Day 2: Sunscreen, Sand, and Surviving the Waves (and my emotional baggage)
- Morning: Beach day! (That's the plan, anyway.) Get lost in the labyrinthine streets of the town trying to locate one of those lovely beaches. Sunscreen (SPF 50, people! I burn like a vampire in a tanning bed). Pack a towel. (Is it weird that I'm already feeling sentimental about this towel?)
- Afternoon: Actual beach time! Swim. Soak up the sun. Try not to think about work, or bills, or the laundry that’s currently mocking me from across the room. Maybe attempt to read a book, but probably just stare at the ocean, contemplating life’s great mysteries.
- Evening: Casual dinner at a local place. Practice some terrible Spanish. Order something exotic. Regret the exotic choice. Laugh about it. (Hopefully.) Stargazing on the beach. Maybe hold hands. Definitely NOT talk about exes. This is a sanctuary.
Beach observations: The sea is beautiful, I feel like a newborn baby, the sun is hot. So hot that I'm now just sitting in the shade. Where did the sea go? Is there a tide? I'm so glad I wore sunscreen, though. *Imperfection: The towel is sandy. I got a little too enthusiastic with the sunscreen and now I'm covered in it. And I've also forgot my sunglasses, this is a disaster really so back to the hotel for me.
Emotional Reaction: Happiness! At everything and nothing.
Days 3-4: Volcanic Vibes & The Search for True Authentic Tapas (and, you know, Inner Peace)
Day 3: Teide Trek (aka the Mountain That Will Probably Break Me)
- Morning: This is where the "adventure" begins. Drive to Teide National Park. (Pray the rental car has air conditioning.) Prepare for… well, elevation. And possibly, impending doom. Seriously, the pictures of this volcano are intense.
- Afternoon: Hike. Or possibly just walk. Or maybe sit at a viewpoint and admire the magnificence while quietly sobbing about my lack of fitness. The view. the view. The view makes all the pain worth it.
- Evening: Post-hike tapas. (Tapas! The ultimate reward.) Research decent tapas in the nearest town. (This is CRUCIAL research.) Eat ALL the things. Drink ALL the wine. Revel in the fact that you successfully conquered a mountain (or at least stood near it).
Quirky Observation: The volcanic landscape looks EXACTLY like the surface of Mars. Or maybe just the backdrop of a really cool sci-fi movie. Either way, it's epic.
Imperfection: I lost my sunglasses. I swear I just had them then, poof vanished.
Emotional Reaction: Exhaustion. And exhilaration! And possibly a slight existential crisis at the sheer scale of the universe.
Day 4: The Quest for the Perfect Papas Arrugadas (and maybe some self-reflection)
- Morning: Explore local markets. (I want to buy ALL the things! Local ceramics, weird spices, the smell of real life. I might embarrass myself with the limited Spanish.)
- Afternoon: Papas Arrugadas – the Canary Islands’ famous wrinkly potatoes. The relentless, never-ending search for the perfect version. We will taste them. We will judge them. We will eat them. We will try making them ourselves later.
- Evening: Free time. Maybe a couples massage. (Or, you know, just a nap.) Dinner at one of those tiny, family-run restaurants you always read about. Hope for authenticity, pray for good food. Pray that the food doesn't ruin my insides.
Quirky Observation: I swear I saw a lizard doing yoga on a rock. Or maybe I'm just delirious from the sun.
Imperfection: The tapas. I ate way too much tapas and was barely able to move. We needed to have a nap.
Emotional Reaction: Joy at the prospect of food.
Days 5-6: Water Sports & Final Hurrahs (and Saying Goodbye to Paradise)
Day 5: Surfing the Waves (or, more likely, Face-Planting in the Ocean).
- Morning: Attempt water sports! (This could go horribly, hilariously wrong.) Consider surfing. Or paddleboarding. Or maybe just bobbing around in the shallows like a confused sea creature.
- Afternoon: Recover from water-related humiliation. Sunbathe. Read. Reflect on your glorious idiocy. (In a good way.)
- Evening: Fancy farewell dinner. Dress up. (Or as dressed up as I get.) Celebrate surviving another day. And maybe, just maybe, acknowledge the fact that you might actually be having fun.
Quirky Observation: The surfers are incredibly graceful. I am… not.
Imperfection: I face-planted. Hardcore. My ego took a beating.
Emotional Reaction: Embarrassment mixed with pure, joyful release.
Day 6: Last Day Lament & The Great Packing Disaster.
- Morning: One last breakfast. One last beach walk. One last everything.
- Afternoon: Pack. This is always a disaster. I always overpack. I always bring home things I don’t need. Try to fit all the memories in my suitcase.
- Evening: Final dinner. Reflect on the trip. Have a quiet panic about going home. Promise yourself to come back.
Opinionated Language: I'm going to miss this place terribly. The people are lovely.
Imperfection: Forgot about the souvenirs. Bought a huge amount of pottery and then had to repack. The suitcase wouldn't close.
Emotional Reaction: Sadness, but also a strange sense of peace.
Day 7: Departure & Post-Trip Existential Dread
- Morning: Wake up, pack the last thing, and transfer to the airport. Smile a little as you think you will be back.
- Final Reflection: Tenerife, you were a mess of emotions, but you were also… wonderful.
- Aftermath: Reality will hit. Hard. But at least I’ll have the tan lines (and the memories) to prove I actually existed.
Disclaimer: This itinerary is a suggestion. It's subject to change based on mood, weather, and the availability of cocktails. It's also an honest portrayal of my (slightly chaotic) thought process. Tenerife, here I come! Wish me luck. And maybe send wine.
Electra Syros: Greece's Secret Adults-Only Paradise (Uncensored!)
My cat, Mittens, refuses to eat her expensive, vet-approved food. She'd *rather* starve. What's the freakin' deal?!
Oh, honey, I FEEL you. Mittens sounds suspiciously like my Bartholomew. He's got this "look" – a cross between disdain and mild indigestion – that he applies to everything I offer him *unless* it’s a rogue piece of lint he found on the rug. Seriously. Lint.
Here's the thing: Cats are tiny, furry dictators. They *know* they have us wrapped around their tiny little claws. And they're stubborn. So, what do you do? Well, this is where my advice could be very valuable. Maybe, there is something else.
First, the "I'm-starving-myself-to-get-what-I-want" gambit. This is classic cat play. Don't cave immediately. Two days, tops, is my cut-off before the panic bells start ringing in my head. Then you need to try:
- Mixing in a tiny bit of something enticing: Think a teaspoon of tuna, chicken broth, or a tiny bit of wet food (the devilishly delicious kind, not that dry kibble!). Then change the food to a cheaper one.
- Playing the "food chase" game: Toss a few kibble pieces. Pretend this is a game.
- Offering at unpredictable times: Be like a sneaky cat, it has to earn it.
Bartholomew also does this. Is there a way to determine if cat is being difficult.
Yes, in this case, there is. This is the most important question, is it being difficult or could it be medical. This is the most important question to ask yourself.
Medical problems can look like the food gambit. This includes:
- Not wanting to eat: This is the most key, it could be caused by a lot of things
- Vomiting: Did the cat eat then immediately vomit?
- Lethargy: Does the cat do barely anything?
If you see this, then take your cat to a vet! This could be the most important step you can take.
My cat, Flufferbutt, is obsessed with sitting on my keyboard when I'm working. Help! Is it love? Is it spite? Is it both?!
Spite, affection, boredom, the infinite void... It's likely a combination of all of the above. My cat, Bartholomew *loves* to do this. I suspect a healthy dose of "If I fits, I sits - and I'll sit RIGHT HERE, thank you very much!" I mean I do feel a sense of affection.
Here's the brutally honest truth: Your cat wants your attention. It wants you to acknowledge its glorious, fluffy existence. It also *knows* that stopping work to move it (or worse, getting annoyed) *is* attention. It is hard to argue which is the best, but lets consider:
- The "Distract and Redirect": Have a comfy cat bed, a warm blanket, or a box positioned *near* your keyboard. The goal is to make the alternative more appealing.
- The "Give Me Some Lovin'" method: Take a break. Cuddle the cat. Play with a toy. Then, *gently* (and I stress gently) get it off the keyboard and back to its bed.
- Or consider, the "Embrace the Chaos" Approach: Make the cat part of your work. It'll be hard, but can be rewarding.
How do I stop my cat from terrorizing the house at 3 AM? Is it actually possible?
Oh, the 3 AM Zoomies. We've all been there. It's like a tiny, furry rave happening in your living room, complete with furniture surfing and the occasional (and terrifying) dramatic fall.
Okay, so I don't want to mislead you. Completely stopping the 3 AM madness is akin to winning the lottery. It is possible, but unlikely. But, you can definitely mitigate the damage. Because you can't sleep like this.
I've found the following useful:
- Playtime before Bedtime: A good 15-20 minutes of intense play (think feather wands, laser pointers) around dusk can tire them.
- Consider Feedings just before bedtime: Cats are predators, and usually, after a hunt, they'd relax and sleep.
- A good night's nap for you: Because trust me, you'll need it.
My cat bites people. Frequently. How do I fix this?
Biting... Yeah, that can be a problem. It can be painful, it is also not great, and it can be a sign of something very serious, or something very basic.
Consider the possibilities:
- Is the cat in pain? Is your cat reacting because it's in pain
- Play Aggression: Is the biting associated with play
- Is it a sign it doesn't feel safe? Is your cat biting because it feels threatened by someone or something?
